Tell me when it kicks in
by goldengirl922
Summary: When Eddie get herself into a situation that she can't get out of, it begins to spiral out of control. And as the clock starts ticking she begins to look back to where it all went wrong.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N Hi there, I'm back with a new story. I know I'm such a bad person but life got in the way and I had a lot of trouble finishing the other story, I don't know where I kind of lost the story but somewhere I did. So instead I tried to put my energy into another story which will hopefully be better. So read and review hope you guys like it._

Chapter 1

 _After half an hour, much longer than she had wanted to stay at the convenience store which was walking distance from her apartment, the young woman walked back to her home wanting to get there as quickly as possible. She hadn't wanted to leave her comfy couch as she was having a great night in to herself with luxury food and her favourite movies all ready to watch on Netflix, something that she hadn't done in a while. But then she realised she had to get milk for hot cocoa and that was how she ended up here on the sidewalk at 8pm on a Saturday night._

 _It was already dark and the street lights illuminated the sidewalk just enough to see what was in front of you; she walked quickly as she hurried back the chill of the night making her colder inside and out._

 _She couldn't help but feel an overwhelming presence behind her, she had become increasingly aware and adept at spotting things like this in light on recent events. She turned around to look behind her preparing herself to run when she saw nothing; however, when she saw nothing she looked to her side and saw a black sedan parked on the other side of the street, believing that it was up to no good, she began to walk quicker to reach her destination, in the same fashion the black sedan began to slowly turn around and move behind her. As soon as the woman saw this her brain went into overdrive and she started to run even though her tired legs protested and the muscles in her body screamed at her to stop. But she ignored the cries and warning signals of her body and focused her mind getting herself to somewhere safe. She kept running until she realised that she had gone way past her apartment and she into a dead-end street, as she checked the end of the street and saw nothing she calmed herself down, reassuring herself that there was nothing to worry about and that she was just being extremely paranoid. Then she started to gingerly jog back to her apartment she was completely unaware of the man walking on the other side of the street planning to make her world crumble._

 _Suddenly three shots rang out and the woman ducked for cover, her adrenaline rush not making her realise one very vital detail. She had been hit. Twice. As she remained crouched down she felt a warm and sticky fluid which filled her clothes in two places, as the high that she had felt from the adrenaline started to wear off, the pain from the bullets hit her like a bucket of ice cold water. Panic rose up her chest like bile and she instinctly reached for her phone, which was conveniently in her pocket, and dialled 9-1-1. A number that after many years was now so familiar to her._

 _"911 what's your emergency?" The surprisingly calm voice on the other side of the receiver said._

 _"I've been shot," The woman said between breaths while wincing in immense pain, "Once in the upper abdomen and once in the leg."_

 _"Do you know where you are ma'am?"_

 _"East 16_ _th_ _street. Send a bus here," she paused quickly, "I'm Officer Janko, badge number 83576 but I'm off duty, call it in as a 10-13." Eddie said on the verge of tears. The call was disconnected and Eddie was entirely alone again. She could faintly hear the sound of police sirens in the distance as well as the bus that was coming, she had seen enough things on the job to know that from the amount of blood that she had lost, she was going to become unconscious very soon and that scared her. Eddie's thoughts soon turned to those of her best friend, who she hoped was unaware of the situation, she wouldn't want him to be worried about her. She hoped that everything would be alright between her and Jamie again, it pained her more than the bullets in her body when they fought. It looked like she would never be able to tell him how she really felt._

 _As her eyes closed and the sirens became louder and nearer she allowed herself to think about when it all went wrong._


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Bonus chapter because I'm nice. (And also_ _because_ _the readers of my other story deserve a prize for being very patient_ _with_ _me.)_

Chapter 2

 _Jamie was enjoying this night with his family, it was rare that both his siblings, his father and his grandfather could be together, enjoying quality family time. However, his mind was somewhere else, he couldn't focus on what was being said as they all drank the strong amber liquid that their father gave them. He couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. He looked around as they all laughed at something someone, he couldn't remember who, had said. They all turned to look at him when they realised he wasn't laughing with them._

 _"Jamie, are you alright?" Erin asked concerned about her little brother. Jamie had been acting strangely for a while now. They had all thought that this phase had been and gone. None of the family had seen him like this since he was investigating the Blue… Erin cut her trail of thoughts right there. She didn't want to go down that road again._

 _"Yeah Kid, you don't look too good. Something wrong?" Danny said backing his sister up._

 _Both Erin and Danny had noticed that their baby brother was unusually quiet. He was quite a reserved person on a regular day, but today he'd barely said one word throughout the time they'd been together._

 _"I'm fine." Was Jamie's typical, automatic and obviously practiced response. Realising that wouldn't be enough to satisfy a first-grade detective, a talented ADA, the current police commissioner and the former police commissioner he added, "I'm just a little tired that's all."_

 _"You sure?" Came the suspicious response that Danny._

 _"Yeah, I'm fine, I promise. Look it's been a long week, with me trying to break in my new partner and all." He looked into the eyes of his father, trying as hard as he possibly could to extricate himself from the awkwardness of the situation. "In fact, I'm going to head out and get a good night's rest." He continued as he got up and looked round the room at his family._

 _"I'll see you on Sunday." And with that he left._

 _He still felt guilty about lying. Truth was he wasn't fine and the dull ache in his heart wasn't getting any better. As he stopped in the traffic ahead of him, he paused to look in the mirror. He was unshaven and his eyes had dark rings around them, he looked like hell. His heart sank further at the sight of himself almost confirming that nothing felt right at the moment._

 _He thought that he had done enough for her, but she just wouldn't listen to him. And now look; here he was looking like someone who had just been dragged out from the depths of hell. It hadn't been like this before, he thought to himself, it was better before. And as the traffic began to move, he began to remember a time that was at least marginally better…_

 _5 months earlier…_

"I really hate this part of the job." Jamie complained as he walked up to the door of the small apartment.

"I know, there's nothing worse than telling people that their loved ones are gone and aren't ever coming back. It makes me feel terrible inside when you see their faces crumble and look confused as if they don't know what you're talking about. Sometimes I hate my job." Eddie agreed while following in suit to Jamie preparing herself for what was to come.

Jamie was about on the door when it opened as he put his hand on it, soon enough Eddie and Jamie brought their guns out of their holsters and held them in their hands. It seemed suspicious enough for them to enter the apartment. As she looked around Jamie signalled to her for them to split up and search the apartment, she followed his order and pushed through a door which led to a small balcony. There, she saw a man standing peacefully looking out into the street. Feeling certain that he didn't know that they had entered the apartment she shouted "Sir, this is the police could you step away from the balcony please?"

The man who was clearly startled turned around to face Eddie with the serene look on his face now being replaced with panic which was the expression written all over his face.

"Sir do you live here? What's your name?" Eddie asked again as she finally got to take a good look at the man. He was tall, at least 6ft and was quite muscular, he had dark blonde hair and blue eyes. If it wasn't for the fact that he could have possibly been a criminal, Eddie would have probably found him quite attractive.

"Yes, I do… My name's Mackenzie but everyone calls me Mack. Mack Williams. Please don't shoot." He said, closing his eyes as he mumbled those last few words.

"Wait, are you related to James Williams?"

"Yes, I'm his brother. Why?" Mack said as he became more and more worried by the second.

* * *

"I'm so sorry for your loss, Mr Williams." Jamie said with a hint of sadness in his voice.

"I… I just can't believe it. We were going to go out for beers tomorrow after work." Mack said, his voice thick with emotion and his eyes filled with tears. "Excuse me, I just need a moment." Clearly this news was all too much for him, his own brother had been killed in a car accident just a few hours after they'd had a normal conversation. He couldn't believe it.

Eddie turned to Jamie, "Maybe I should go talk to him." She said feeling sorry for Mack, however Jamie looked hesitant so she continued. "If it doesn't work we'll just leave ok?" After he agreed she went into the other room where she saw Mack with his head in his hands.

"Hi." No response. She continued. "Look I can't pretend to know what you're going through, I never had any siblings. But I can relate to losing a loved one, I lost my mother a long time ago, it still hurts and I know that this may sound cliché, but it will hurt less as time goes on but the pain will still always be there." She opened his hand and put her card in his hand. "Just call the number on the card if you ever want to talk to someone." And with that she left taking Jamie with her.

* * *

"That was awful," Eddie grimaced as soon as she stepped into the squad car. "It must be horrible for him. I hope he doesn't do anything to himself, you know…" She looked at Jamie knowingly and waited for his response.

"Yeah, it wasn't the best. Losing a sibling is a like losing a best friend you almost took for granted. As if you always thought that they would live forever, at least that's what it felt like with Joe." He smiled sadly.

"I can't imagine." Eddie sympathised, although she was being truthful as she actually couldn't imagine. She had no siblings to connect to in the first place. However, she did lose her mother which, to her, was the worst feeling in the world and was absolutely indescribable. "How'd you deal with it?" she pressed.

"Well," he began, "I guess I wanted to honour Joe in some way so I became a cop, which was good for my grief. But then I started to put all of my energy into solving Joe's murder, which led me to kind of shut everyone out which wasn't healthy." He looked into the distance as if he was replaying the whole thing in his mind, "It helped that I had my family with me, otherwise I don't know what I would've done. Joe was not only my brother but my best friend, so it was hard. I'd like to think that I've done him proud with all the work that I've done as a cop."

"I think you have and even though I didn't know him, I think that he would have been proud of you." Eddie said to him and she flashed a small, genuine smile at him.

"Thanks, that means a lot." Jamie said looking into her blue eyes, that were like vast oceans that begged to be explored.

"Although," she sharply turned away, "I don't think he would be impressed by the fact that a five-foot girl can out eat you." She said in complete seriousness.

"I eat…" Jamie started.

"Oh please! The most you eat is a large salad, I mean who even knew those existed! And you eat loads of that thing… What's it called? Qino? Canoe?"

"Hey! Quinoa is nice and it's a superfood, which means its extra healthy."

"Trust you to say that eat a food that's extra healthy." Eddie said rolling her eyes. "Ok fine, if you really want to prove yourself, we'll have an eating challenge tonight at…"

"Anton's."

"How did you know I was going to say that?"

"Because I know you so well." He teased. "Come on shorty we got work to do." He turned on the engine of the car and they drove into the distance.

 _A/N Hope you're liking it don't forget to review :)_


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N Some fanfic to get through the long hiatus, I am hoping to get this updated pretty regularly, at least once a week. Please read and review, they always cheer me up and inspire me to write more._

Chapter 3

The sharp and loud ring of her phone jolted Eddie from her sleep. She groaned inwardly, looking at the time: 6am. She shouldn't be up at the crack of dawn on a Saturday morning. The only Saturday, as a matter of fact, that she had off this month. "If this is Jamie I swear to god…" She muttered to herself, however she trailed of seeing the unknown number on her phone. Figuring that it may be work-related, she cleared her throat and tried to sound as awake as possible.

"This is Officer Janko,"

"You picked up," was the quiet and only partially coherent reply, "I didn't think you would."

"Mack?" Eddie asked completely surprised that he had called her. Usually when they gave their cards out to people on the street they didn't really hear much from them. "Are you alright?" As soon as the words came out of her mouth, she realised that it was a stupid question. If he was alright why would he be calling her?

"I kind of just needed to talk to someone, it's been pretty quiet around here. I was wondering if you could meet me at this small café for breakfast on 44th near my apartment?" Mack asked nervously.

Eddie hesitated, she didn't want to be rude but her brain was telling her it wasn't such a good idea. On the other hand, her heart went out to Mack, his brother must have been the only family that he had and clearly, he was struggling with this.

"I'll be there in an hour." Was her final response. A coffee and some pancakes wouldn't kill anyone.

* * *

True to her word, Eddie arrived at the café within an hour to find Mack sitting in the back corner. She started to walk towards him and then sat down opposite him.

"Hi there," she said offering him a warm smile.

"Oh hi," he said as he looked up to greet her. "I didn't recognise you, in your normal clothes."

"I get that a lot." Eddie paused and then continued. "So, what did you want to talk about?"

"Him."

"Your brother?"

"Yeah, I want to remember all the good times we had together and share them with someone. See, I don't really have many friends so the first person that came to my mind was you and what you said. So here we are." Mack explained.

"Well I find it hard to believe that you don't have many friends." Eddie said tilting her head a little on confusion, because she was in fact confused. He was good-looking, she could tell from his build that he was fairly athletic. If they were still in high school he probably would have been one of the most popular guys in school. However, it looked like it was just more proof that you should never judge a book by its cover.

"Yeah, James was always the popular one, always throwing parties. He was a comedian by nature so people loved him. For brothers that are only a year apart we were polar opposites…"

Two hours and two large stacks of pancakes later, Eddie had stitches from laughing so hard. Mack was right. His brother really was a comedian by nature, after hearing all of the crazy things that he had done through his fun but short life, she wholeheartedly agreed with that conclusion. Throughout their time together, Mack had really come out of his shell and opened up to her and when they had finished talking he looked like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. "This was good, you look a lot better now." She said still smiling at him.

"Yeah, I guess you were right, the pain is still there but it gets a little better every day."

They were both silent for a moment until Eddie looked at her watch and said, "Thanks for all of this, I hate to leave but I've got a lot to do at home."

"Oh," Mack said disappointed, he too had really enjoyed himself for the first time in a long while and was hoping that she would stay for longer. "Its ok I understand." He got up to see her out. It was now or never. She leaned in to hug him and he kissed her.

Eddie who was completely blindsided, quickly pulled away, trying to figure out what had just happened.

"Mack I…" She started trying to find the right words to say. "We've just met and I don't think of you that way at all." She wanted to say that she had a boyfriend, but truth was, she didn't. Jamie held her heart but she knew that they couldn't pursue it for fear of losing their friendship. But she couldn't go into that now.

"I just thought… you know since we got along so well, that we could maybe go on a real date sometime." Mack pushed, he wasn't going to give in that easily.

Eddie, on the other hand steeled her resolve, "I'm just not in the right place for a relationship at the moment okay. Goodbye Mack." With one last look, she moved past him and walked out of the café not looking back until she got to her car. That was not how she had expected it to go.

* * *

It was Monday morning and Jamie had had enough. Eddie had barely said two words that whole morning and it was driving him crazy. Usually, he would get annoyed by Eddie's incessant chatter about any random thing that she could think of, but secretly he loved it. He loved the way she was passionate about anything and everything and even though she talked too much, it made his life ten times more exciting. But now the silence was deafening.

"Come on Janko, what's up you've barely said a sentence since roll call. What gives?"

"Nothing Jamie, I'm just tired." Eddie eyed him knowing that he would dig deeper.

"What, long weekend or what?" Jamie smirked.

"Yes, but not in the way that you're thinking." Eddie looked at him and dramatically rolled her eyes. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to tell him, she hated to admit it, but he was always pretty good at giving advice. And whether she wanted the advice or not, she definitely needed it. "Ok so something happened over the weekend, but before I tell you, you have to promise not to freak out or go all crazy on me."

"I promise I won't." Jamie said becoming increasingly concerned by the second.

"Remember Mack from that call that we got the other day," she looked at Jamie and he nodded so she continued, "he called me and said that he wanted to talk."

"Did you go?" Jamie hesitantly asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yes," she grimaced, "but only because he sounded desperate." Jamie opened his mouth to speak but Eddie cut him off. "Anyway, we had a good talk and everything and when I was about to leave he kissed me and I don't know what to do because he's a nice guy and all but…"

"You're not into him that way." Jamie finished. "Has he called you since?"

"Yeah and I responded the first time and tried to explain but he wouldn't listen so I just ignored him for the rest of the weekend." Eddie explained.

"Well, first it was a bad idea to go and see him by yourself in the first place."

"Hey, I was just trying to be supportive to someone going through a hard time. You of all people should know that!" Eddie responded, her temper rising.

"I know, Ed and I didn't mean it like that. What you did was really good. But the best advice I've got right now, is to just ignore him and hope that it'll blow over soon."

"You really think so? Because I don't want to hurt his feelings even more, I mean he's already quite emotionally fragile."

"Exactly why you shouldn't push it any further." Jamie reasoned.

"Alright then Mr Advice Guru."

"Hey you came to me."

"Oh, shut up." Eddie teased, but in all honesty, she was thankful for Jamie's advice. His input on the situation had made her feel a lot better. It was just one of the many things that she loved about him. She took one glance at him and her stomach flip flopped. As the radio came to live and they rushed to their first call of the day, she knew for sure that she had fallen for him. Hard.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

 _Her eyes fluttered open for a second, the blue and red lights flashing and blinding her eyes. The pain was unbearable, all of the paramedics trying to talk to her, trying to make her stay awake. She knew the drill; although she never thought she'd ever be on the receiving end of it._

 _As they gently loaded her onto the gurney and into the ambulance, she replayed the events of the night in her mind. It wasn't like she could easily forget them anyway. She heard the bullet and definitely felt the bullet; but she had not seen the bullet let alone the person who fired it or what direction it had come from. But maybe if Jamie was there he could have…_

 _Her mind began to muddle and become foggy, but she told herself that she needed to focus, she needed to get a grip and pull herself out of this._

 _The blood that was seeping through her clothes gave her a warm, sticky and very uncomfortable feeling in her leg and her abdomen. The loud voices of the paramedics echoed and sounded distant in her mind as she dazed in and out of consciousness. Even though she was surrounded by people – swarming around her trying to keep her alive – she felt truly alone. In her hour of need, she had no one. She had pushed the most important person in her life away and the consequences of her actions became very real to her._

 _The bus had not even stopped, when the doors opened and Eddie felt the familiar rush of cold air hitting her like a slap to the face. She was pushed into the hospital with nurses and doctors shouting medical jargon, which went completely over her head._

 _A new sense of fear settled in her chest like none she had ever felt before, it tore down the little confidence that she had left and made her feel like she needed to rise up and get out of there, her body responding to what her brain was thinking tried to rise up, not thinking about the immense pain that she would feel and the negative response that she would receive._

 _She was in shock now. She knew it was going to happen sooner or later; it was so sudden and it physically hurt to think and to breathe. Her chest clenched in fear and she felt like hyperventilating. All she needed was a familiar face to show her that she was not alone in this battle for her life, Linda worked at this hospital. Where was she? Where was Reagan? Was he ok? All of her thoughts rolled around in her mind and became muddled again, it was too much for her to handle, the enemy had won the battle but she was determined to make sure that they hadn't won the war._

 _Then everything went black._

 _They say that when you're dying your life flashes before your eyes. Glimpses of all the experiences that you have had: good and bad. Different people that have filled the once empty void that is or was your life. The final adrenaline surge. Your brain clinging onto the last straw of hope - that it has to stay alive._

 _It was true for Eddie. She was dying. But she only saw one person in her mind. One person who's face and voice clung on for dear life._

 _Jamie Reagan._

* * *

Eddie rolled her eyes as soon as she heard the faintest ring of her phone. She clicked decline with a lot more force than was necessary. This was the 40th time he had called her this week; at this rate, she could file a complaint against him within the next few days. But she didn't want to rock the boat.

Jamie looked at her, but said nothing. He had noticed the strange amount of phone calls she had been getting. It was hard not to notice when they were in the squad car and every five minutes her phone would start buzzing. It didn't take a genius to figure out who was still calling her 10 times an hour, he wanted to say something to her and make her file a harassment complaint against the guy however, he kept his mouth shut.

Eddie was a great cop, not to mention a strong and independent woman, she was smart but didn't like asking for help. Jamie knew that going behind her back and supposedly trying to help her would be the wrong thing to do. The last time that he had tried to do that, was three years ago, with that jackass, Jake Singer – he had genuine intentions of trying to help her but she took it the wrong way and then iced him out. He had hated that. They worked well as one unit, together: so, when she wasn't talking to him it was horrible. He didn't want to end up making that mistake again. Instead, he let her handle it; he offered his guidance and support when she asked for it, at times he took a little bit of initiative but it was mostly just up to her. However, it was times like now, when that protective urge inside of him rose up inside of him like bile in his stomach.

That was the result of his feelings; the ones he had been trying to hide for almost three years now, although they had confessed what they felt in his apartment last year, Jamie had held back and backtracked saying that pursuing their feelings was a bad idea and that they should remain in partners and friends on the job and not off. Now, Jamie had to deal with the consequences of his actions. Sure, he loved their working relationship, the way that they knew each other back to front and the way they approached situations on the job as a strong and near perfect team. But couldn't they have that same relationship off the job, facing situations in life as a perfect team? Alas, it was too late now, Eddie had brought up the idea and he had pretty much shot her down for it. So, Jamie Reagan being the stoic guy he was, had to settle with being just partners and just platonic friends for now and see where that took them.

"Jamie!" Eddie's shrill voice brought him out of his head. "Are you trying to break the steering wheel?" He looked at her confused then looked at his hands on the wheel. His knuckles were white and he finally realised the strength of his grip that he had applied to the wheel. He quickly loosened his grip and then parked the RMP outside of the precinct, he quickly turned and sheepishly looked at Eddie, her questioning look demanding an explanation from Jamie.

"Sorry," He said giving her a small lopsided grin, "your phone was annoying me a little." He couldn't very well tell her the real reason that his hands looked like they were superglued to the wheel.

"It was annoying me too." Eddie said dryly. "To be fair you were then one that told me to – and I'm quoting here 'ignore him and it will all blow over'." She added accusingly.

Jamie just looked at her. He couldn't argue with that.

"You're right." He stated. "Let's go inside and head to Anton's, on me." He smiled her, knowing that would get her attention.

Her face brightened up at what he was suggesting and she started to grin. "If you're paying, then we're definitely going." She stopped before she got out of the squad car. "But please don't take forever in the locker room, I want to get there before closing time." She walked out leaving Jamie by himself.

"I don't take forever." He muttered to himself and rolled his eyes, but followed her into the precinct.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Eddie came out of the squad room in her street clothes, waiting for Jamie; as she predicted earlier.

"Janko!" Was the sudden bark that came from Renzulli's office. "My office now." He finished and left the door open for her to come in. Eddie immediately became suspicious, she had done nothing wrong in the past few weeks. Well nothing that she could think of anyway. She racked her brains thinking of all the possible reasons she could have been brought into her bosses' office. She thought that she had thought of everything, when she entered and was met with Sergeant Renzulli doing some paperwork.

"Janko," he said looking up at her, "come in and shut the door behind you."

That couldn't be good.

However, Renzulli must have seen the worried look on her face as he then added. "Janko, it's fine you're not in trouble. In fact," He paused to get something from under his desk. "I have a package for you." He said smiling. Anthony Renzulli was a tough cop and a no-nonsense sergeant but he was a sucker for any form of romance.

"This was delivered in the afternoon, from that flower store on 55th. What's it called again?" He said while handing over the enormous bouquet of flowers to Eddie.

"Deborah's Flowers." Eddie muttered quietly while shifting the flowers in her arms. She had not seen this coming. At all. Of all of the scenarios that she had played in her head, none of them had been as awkward as this.

"That's it." Renzulli answered, he made a mental note to himself about stopping there after work. He damn sure didn't want to be sleeping on the couch tonight.

After about a minute of deafening silence, Eddie spoke up, "Well sarge, if that's all, I'll be heading out for the night. Thank you for collecting the flowers and I'll see you at roll call tomorrow." By the time she had finished, she was already halfway out of the door and speed walking to her Porsche. She entered her car and closed her eyes, she didn't open them again until she heard a knock at her window. Unsurprisingly it was Jamie.

"Get in." No explanation was needed.

It was going to be a long night.

 _A/N: Hope you liked this chapter, don't forget to review, the reviews I get really encourage me to keep writing :)_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"Marigolds?" Jamie said with a questioning look directed towards Eddie.

"Yeah, a whole bouquet of them." Eddie responded looking over the flowers that she had been given only one hour ago. They had reached her apartment about twenty minutes ago and Eddie explained the events that had gone down in Renzulli's office.

"But why marigolds?" Jamie studied the flowers for the umpteenth time. "They look a bit like… you know…"

"Like something you'd find at a funeral." Eddie finished. "Yeah, I know, that's because they're supposed to be a sign of pain and grief. That can't be a coincidence, can it?"

"What you think that Mack sent these to you on purpose? As a warning?" Jamie questioned. He began to worry that Eddie could be in real danger from this guy, it was one thing to be calling someone twenty times a day, but to send them weird flowers was a whole different ball park.

"Whoa, hold up. Who said anything about Mack being a part of this?" Eddie stopped his train of thought, she had said nothing about Mack being responsible, in fact he hadn't even crossed her mind on the list of suspects that she had developing in her mind.

"What are you talking about? Why wouldn't he do this; I mean he clearly want your attention and this is the best way to do it." He was horrified that she would still think so highly of him when Mack was the one who was clearly behind this.

"That's an assumption." Eddie countered, her voice rising.

"No, it's not. It's looking at the evidence and coming to a reasonable conclusion; which is, at the moment, what you're not doing." Jamie reasoned. He was about to continue, but stopped himself when he saw the anger in Eddie's eyes and expression. This was what he was trying to avoid, he knew that they needed to work together, as a team and this wasn't the way to achieve that.

"Look I'm sorry. I'm just trying to help."

Eddie softened her expression, "I know you are."

"So, did this person leave a note or anything?" Jamie said trying to change the subject.

Eddie looked inside the bouquet and found a small white card inside, she read it and frowned.

"What does it say?"

" _Roses are red, Violets are blue. I know I love you and I hope that soon you'll learn to love me too."_ Eddie read, cringing as she read it. "It's really…"

"Cheesy." Jamie said cutting her off and soon after an involuntary shiver passed through his body.

"I was going to say creepy, but yeah that too."

"So, maybe I'm right. Maybe Mack wants more and doesn't like being ignored." Jamie couldn't help but put it out there again. His gut was telling him that this guy was responsible and he just couldn't let that feeling go. In fact, the sense of dread that he currently felt, had been there since the day that they had met Mack and hadn't gone away.

"Again, with this." Eddie rolled her eyes. "You have no evidence. Anyone could have done this; including that creepy, stupid, drunk guy that we collared last week who said I was as hot as the sun."

"As if it was him, he didn't even remember the date let alone your name." Jamie started to get annoyed.

"Ok fine, but Mack is just some confused guy who's grieving for his brother and he's clearly taking it hard."

"I understand that, but that's not a good enough excuse to rule him out Eddie. He called you forty times this week alone!"

"I'm not denying that. But you can't say that you didn't do stupid things when you were grieving for Joe." Eddie pointed out.

"This isn't some stupid mistake, like drinking too much on one night when you have work the next morning, Eddie. This is bordering on harassment!" Jamie explained, his temper rising.

"Of course, I knew you wouldn't understand." Eddie muttered under her breath with contempt lacing her voice.

"What wouldn't I understand?" Jamie said clearly aggravated now. "What wouldn't I understand Eddie?" He repeated getting more annoyed by the minute.

"Not all of us were perfect like you. Some of us made mistakes." Eddie said flatly. When Jamie was silent, she continued. "Not all of us had the perfect family to make sure we continued on with our perfect lives. Some of us had to deal with it by ourselves."

"Is that what you think it was like?" Jamie asked. "It wasn't all happy families, we had our problems and our struggles."

"Yes, I'll give you that. But you never felt what it was like to be truly alone in the world did you?" Eddie said putting the final nail in the coffin. She knew that was a low blow. Everyone says that you know someone has lost an argument when they start personally attacking their opponent instead of actually addressing the issue. Well, Eddie knew she had crossed that line, hell, she had already sprinted past it.

"You know what." Jamie said quietly, he was truly saddened and offended by what she had said. However, he didn't want to show his emotions, so he picked up his coat and continued. "Do whatever you want, screw yourself over. That's fine with me. Just don't come crying to me for help when it all goes wrong." And with that he left and slammed the door behind him.

* * *

Eddie just watched him as he left, immediately regretting what she had said to him. It was just… she was so angry at him for making assumptions and always thinking that he was right and had all the best answers. In nearly four years of their partnership she had learnt that he had great instincts and that he was crazy smart, usually meaning that he was correct about pretty much everything. But it was so frustrating, especially when her ideas and thoughts were sometimes disregarded because Jamie's were automatically better. Like that time, she had disregarded that 10-13 call because she was following Detective Rivera's orders, but Jamie who was usually as by- the-book as they come, decided that the right thing to do was to leave her in the car and run two blocks to the 10-13, which turned out to be unfounded. He had a go at her afterwards for taking the keys out of the car even though she had covered for him with Rivera. What Jamie had done was right and she was wrong, as always. Admittedly she had seen his side and could see why he had taken that stance because of what he'd been through with his former partner and his late brother, Joe; but he hadn't even explained that to her. But she had made her decision and he had made his, it was a personal judgement call. Every partnership had its flaws and this was theirs.

The next day, when she apologised (it always seemed to be her that had to) she was left with an unsettling feeling that everything between them wasn't as good as before; but she pushed that feeling down and continued on in the hope that all would be forgotten.

But now it was back. And stronger than ever.

This time she was sure that she was in the wrong. But she was only human. Admittedly, she wasn't perfect and she made mistakes. She was just worried that this mistake might have cost her the best friend she'd ever had.

 _A/N: Hope you're liking this story, I'm definitely enjoying writing it. With regards to the last part of the chapter, Eddie's thoughts partly reflect mine on the subject, especially with that episode (6x11 – Back in the day, I think it was). Obviously, no one's perfect and Jamko's partnership is amazing, however it does have its flaws and I think one of them is largely highlighted in the episode. I think that Jamie does come off as being always the one in the right, and as much as he is my favourite Reagan, that kind of bothers me because I think that the scale is always tipped in favour of him. Another thing that I did also notice was the fact that Eddie is very often the one that has to apologise to Jamie one thing that I noted in 'Rush to Judgement' (6x06) was that even though Jamie kind of insulted her by saying that she brought up that domestic dispute case when she actually didn't. Also, his responses to her apologies sometimes don't seem very genuine and they are at times quite looked over. That was just my view, in case you were wondering why I brought that up ;)_

 _If you have another view I would be glad to hear it in the comments, I would love to hear another point of view. Personally, I think that all the characters in BB are flawed, but that's what I think makes them so lovable and that's why it's my favourite show._

 _Lastly (but certainly not least) a huge THANK YOU to everyone who has read the story and reviewed it so far. Your encouragement had spurred me on to keep writing this so thank you guys. And as always don't forget to review!_ _J_


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

 _Danny Reagan pulled up to the scene in his car, he was clearly late. The blue and red flashing lights surrounded him as cops swarmed around all trying to do their jobs. He walked towards his partner who he had spotted almost immediately. Baez was alone and had clearly been waiting for Danny for a while, judging by the impatient look on her face. As much as he was committed to the job, he hadn't really wanted to leave his father's house on this particular night. Jamie was the particular topic of discussion after he had left the house, Erin had mentioned that she hadn't seen him this reserved since the Blue Templar and as much as he hated to admit it, she may have been right. Danny did care a lot about his brother, he just didn't have a great way of showing it, so hearing Erin's theory really rocked him to the core. The fact that something huge may have been going on in his life, like the Blue Templar investigation six years ago, worried Danny. It worried him because he thought that instead of telling him or his father about what may have been happening, Jamie chose to make the same mistake that he had made six years prior and keep it to himself. The situation playing out in Danny's head mirrored the Blue Templar situation, only this time the outcome was different. Instead, they only found out what was happening when it was too late. So, during the drive down from Bay Ridge to Queens, he had made up his mind to make sure that his brother was kept safe, by any means necessary, even if his brother hated him for a while. It would be worth it._

 _"Hey Reagan, what took you so long?" Baez asked as she started to walk towards what was the main crime scene._

 _"Sorry, traffic was heavy." Danny lied, not wanting to stay on the subject any more he asked about the case. "So, what've we got?"_

 _"Shooting, the victim's been rushed to the hospital." Baez paused, sighed and then continued. "The victim's an off-duty cop."_

 _Danny's heart near stopped. "Damn it." He hated it when it was cops, but all he could think about was his brother. That suspicious voice inside his head was telling him that it was Jamie._

 _Baez blew out a breath and said, "It's Officer Janko." She too was upset, having worked with Eddie multiple times, she had come to like the young woman._

 _"Wait what?!" Danny shouted. A wave of relief passed over him for a minute, grateful that it wasn't his brother, but then the news came as a sucker punch to the gut. He liked Janko and thought that she was good for his brother. She brought out the side of Jamie that the rest of the family hadn't seen since Joe had died. This couldn't be happening to Jamie again, first Joe died, then Sydney left him and Vinnie died, now Eddie. It was obvious that the kid had feelings for her and if she died, Jamie would never move past it. This couldn't have been worse for Jamie._

 _"Does Jamie know?" Baez asked concerned._

 _"No, but I've got to be the one to tell him." Danny finished dreading the phone call that he would have to make after he left the scene. While the different beat cops were speaking to them, he closed his tired eyes and ran a hand over his face._

 _This couldn't be happening. Not now._

 _Danny's thinking was interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing, he didn't even look at the caller ID. He didn't need to, he already knew who it was._

 _"Hey Dad," Danny said sighing._

 _"Son, sorry for disturbing you at your case." Frank said his voice heavy with tiredness._

 _"I'm at the scene dad." Danny said already knowing what his dad was calling about._

 _"Victim is Officer Janko." Frank said grimly, knowing his youngest had a very close relationship with his partner._

 _"Yeah I know." Danny said shaking his head, he still couldn't believe it._

 _"I'm about to go to the hospital, does your brother know anything?"_

 _"No, and honestly I don't really want to be the one to tell him."_

 _"It's fine." Frank paused and Danny could hear that he sighed his signature sigh. "I'm going to stop by his apartment on the way to the hospital. He'll come with me to St Victors."_

 _"He's not going to take it well." Danny worried. "Especially after losing Vinny, also him and Eddie… they're closer than partners if you know what I mean."_

 _"Yeah I do. Stay safe out there son." Frank added quietly. He hated this part of the job._

* * *

 _Frank walked up to the familiar building and knocked on the door, in the rushed nature of the situation he had forgotten how late it was and hadn't considered that his son might be sleeping. He was about to reach into his pocket for the set of spare keys that his son had previously given him when the door was slowly opened. Jamie stood behind the door, his eyes obviously adjusting to the light as he had been asleep._

 _"Dad?" Jamie questioned even though he was pretty sure it was him. He was not expecting anyone at his door at this late time. He had got home a few hours earlier ready to open the strong amber liquid that had been sitting at the back of his cupboard for a while, but his conscience was telling him not to, he didn't want to wake up and go on tour with a horrendous hangover, that wouldn't be safe for him and his partner. So, he didn't open it, instead he hit the sack early, a decision that he thought was a good one. Until now. "What are you doing here?"_

 _"Can I come in?" Frank said solemnly, already dreading the conversation that was to come._

 _"Sure," Jamie responded while stepping aside to let his father in. "You know, you didn't have to come and tuck me in." Jamie joked to try and relieve some of the tension that was between them. However, when Frank's face remained the same, Jamie knew that something was wrong. "What's wrong?"_

 _"An off-duty cop was shot." Frank said curtly, there was no point in him beating around the bush. Jamie needed to know the truth and time was running out for them to get to the hospital._

 _Jamie visibly tensed up. "Is Danny alright?" He asked, he couldn't lose another brother and as much as they fought and disagreed on issues, he loved his brother and would never want anything to happen to him._

 _"Your brother is absolutely fine, in fact, he working the case. He's at the scene right now." Frank paused, before continuing. "The victim's your partner, Officer Janko."_

 _Jamie sharply inhaled and his knees immediately felt weak. He sank down onto the couch and held his head in his hands. "What's her status?" He whispered hoarsely._

 _"Critical condition."_

 _"Likely?" Jamie muttered even though he was sure he didn't want to know the answer._

 _Frank looked at his son, he was clearly distraught and he didn't want to add to that but he needed to know the truth._

 _"Yes." Frank answered hesitantly. "You're coming with me to the hospital?" Frank said; it was more of a statement than a question._

 _"Um, no actually." Jamie said as he steeled his resolve. "I have an early tour tomorrow…" He looked at the clock, "well today actually, with Greene so…" He trailed off._

 _Frank was genuinely shocked, he was not prepared for this. From what Danny had said – and what he had observed – he thought that Jamie and Eddie had a strong relationship. Maybe he was wrong. "Son are you sure?"_

 _"Yeah it won't be worth me sitting in the waiting room while she's in surgery anyway." Jamie said gaining his composure. "You should probably head to the hospital."_

 _Frank was still speechless, he had never seen his son so…. Cold. His son, that was always willing to go the extra mile for anyone, was making the excuse that he couldn't go to the hospital because he had a tour in the morning. Seeing that Jamie had clearly made his mind up, so he conceded. "Okay then. Is there any family I need to call?"_

 _"She doesn't have any siblings, her father's in prison and her mother died a while back." Jamie listed with little emotion in his voice. "You should really go Dad. I'll see you on Sunday." He finished as he opened the door for Frank._

 _"Son…" Frank started but he bit his tongue. He could force anything upon his son but he knew something wasn't right. "Goodnight." He stepped out of the apartment with confusion written all over his face._

 _That wasn't his son in there, it was an emotionless and cold man, who didn't care about his partner and friend. And that wasn't Jamie._

* * *

It had been two months since Eddie had spoken to Jamie, ever since they had fought. She completely regretted what had happened. After mulling it over for a very long while, she realised what she had said was hurtful and personal. She hadn't meant to drag it on this long but Jamie had taken extra effort to avoid her. First, he had switched partners, so he was riding with Officer Greene and she was riding with Rigetti. She had originally hoped that they could come to tour on Monday morning and she would apologise and everything would go back to normal, but with her not riding him she barely even saw him. He had even gone as far to make sure that they would not even be on the same tour; so, he was always taking night shifts when she was taking day shifts. She had tried his apartment a few times, but with their conflicting schedules he was always at work or with his family. And there was no way in hell that she was going to knock at the PC's door looking for Jamie.

Since their argument, she hadn't gotten anymore flowers or notes and Mack had stopped calling her. It was like most of the pieces in her life had been put perfectly in place but the one most important piece was missing.

She had just got back from a long day tour with Rigetti, he was a good partner and a nice guy, even though he had had the nerve to ask her out while they were on the job – multiple times. But he wasn't Jamie. Rigetti didn't make fun of her eating habits and he let her drive most of the time and frankly, she was getting tired of it. She wanted to make things right again. Which is how she found herself in front of Jamie's door feeling a sense of déjà vu as she paced outside his door. _Screw it_ she thought as she knocked on Jamie's door.

Eddie heard someone come up to the door and unlock the chains and open the door.

"Hello there." The slightly overenthusiastic and perky voice came from the door.

This was not Jamie.

"Dana?" Eddie looked as she met the woman who was dressed perfectly making Eddie feel underdressed. Again.

"Eddie, isn't it. Hi." Dana smiled genuinely.

"What are you doing here? I thought you worked in another state." Eddie asked her previous shock now turning into irritation that she had picked the most awkward time to knock on Jamie's door.

"Well, I was in town and Jamie decided to cook a meal at his place since he has the day off. Romantic, right?" Dana explained.

"Yeah totally." Eddie said her voice dripping with sarcasm. "So where is lover boy?"

"Oh, he went to the store to get something I think he forgot butter or something. He's making a linguine with garlic, salad and bread. I thought it was pretty impressive."

"Of course, he is. Mr Romantic my ass." Eddie muttered under her breath.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing." Eddie said innocently. "Well I better go, it doesn't look like he's coming back anytime soon. You enjoy your date and it was nice to see you Dana." She smiled, she did genuinely like Dana and hadn't meant to be impolite.

"Thank you, Eddie, but can I ask you one thing? Are you and Jamie together? I mean do you even like him like that?" Dana asked, she wanted to test the waters between the two, she was Jamie's friend first and she wanted to see him happy.

"No, we're not together and it's complicated. I don't really know what we are anymore." Eddie answered honestly. She hadn't really thought about her feelings in a while, although at this point it was useless since they weren't even talking. "Bye Dana." She said with a sad smile as she walked away from the door.

* * *

Eddie finally reached her apartment, she was physically and emotionally exhausted. What she had said to Dana had stuck in her mind through the drive home. They had been gravitating around each other for nearly four years and they seemed to get closer each year with every good or bad thing. But now it was like that was gone and they were two separate beings going their separate ways. She felt so alone without him.

She entered her apartment and looked around, at first glance everything was fine. Then she entered her bedroom and was gasped. There were crushed marigolds all in a ring surrounding her bed and there was a note again in the centre of her bed.

 _I will do whatever it takes, you will be mine. Because I love you and I know you love me and soon we will be in harmony._

Eddie went over to her bedside table and grabbed her gun, she didn't feel safe here. But she couldn't call anyone.

The force that kept them together was gone and Eddie was now in freefall.

 _A/N: Slightly longer chapter than usual, because I might not have much time to update as I go back to school tomorrow after a two-week Easter break. It'll be busy but I'll try to write as much as possible. But no promises. I was also missing out on my Jamko fix as recent episodes have Jamie only in dinner scenes and Eddie MIA_ _L_ _. Please review, and thanks for all the previous reviews, you guys are awesome and you are the reason I keep writing these._


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Mackenzie Williams was no fool, he knew that Eddie wasn't just going to come back to him because she regretted her decision. So, if she wouldn't choose him, he would make her choose him.

He should have been used to it by now, he was always the one to be rejected. James was always the favourite; he was popular, sporty, funny and smart. The golden boy. In contrast, he was the loner who couldn't do a thing, he may have been smart but it wasn't like his parents noticed him. All throughout their childhood, he would strive to gain their attention – but it seemed that whatever he did, James did a hundred times better. After many years, his jealousy turned into hatred, of his parents and of James; there was one night that had stuck in his mind for many years. It had been a Friday night, he was on dish duty as was the custom of that time and his parents were preoccupied in another one of James' football games. He had previously tried to tell them about his school day and tried hard to engage them in conversation, but no matter how hard he tried they wouldn't listen to him. He ended up collecting the dishes and began to wash them, he dipped them in the soapy water and began to rinse them, as he turned the tap on scorching hot water came out. He was dazed and surprised and human instinct caused him to drop the plate on the floor and it shattered all over the kitchen. He could have sworn that his heart stopped and the world had stopped moving for a second, yet moments afterwards all he could hear was shouting in his ears, cursing his very existence. The next thing that he knew he was being dragged out to the garage, where they kept their car, his parents opened the trunk and next thing he knew it was being shut and locked. And everywhere went dark.

The next morning, light returned as his parents opened the door to find him tear streaked and frozen to the bone. No words had been exchanged, it was as if nothing had happened, James stared at him as if he was some alien creature from outer space. As he walked past the kitchen he could still see the remains of the shattered plate, which was scattered all over the place, no amount of superglue could put it back together now. To him it represented the relationship between him and his family.

It was broken to the point of no repair.

He knew that one day he would get his revenge somehow, he would make them pay for the pain that they caused him. Unfortunately, for him his parents died a few years afterward in a car accident with a drunk driver. When he had heard the news, an emotion that he couldn't explain, overcame him.

He cried.

But his tears, they were not only tears of sadness, but they were ones of relief. Relief that the people who hurt him were gone, but sadness at the fact that he wouldn't get the chance to tell them how he felt and exact his revenge. The anger inside him had built up over so many years and it had consumed him until it was all he thought about - day or night. However, he did assure himself that he would exact his revenge, someday. Someday.

* * *

Eddie couldn't take it anymore, she had to tell someone about what was happening, if she didn't she was going to go crazy. She'd previously had the last bunch of flowers that she had received tested for prints by a friend in that section of the department. They had surprisingly come up empty, which had confirmed to her that whoever was doing this to her was not messing around, and she was fairly confident that this would be the same. The note was typed so there was no way that the department could trace where it came from and the marigolds – they could have come from any flower shop in New York. That's how she ended up lying on her couch with a small pillow and blanket to cover herself, while her gun was on the table next to her. She couldn't go back to her bedroom, it was too creepy, in fact her whole apartment felt haunted. It was as if someone was permanently watching her every move, but she couldn't do anything about it. The only person she could and would want to tell, wasn't talking to her and seemingly hated her. How had she messed things up so badly? She asked herself as a single tear ran down her face. However, instead of tearing herself apart over one stupid mistake, she decided to try as hard as possible to make things right for herself tomorrow, starting with Jamie.

The next morning, she entered the precinct with a sullen disposition, despite her valid efforts to sleep in her apartment, she could not even close her eyes without feeling as if she was in danger from something or someone. She was so wrapped up in her own thoughts that she bumped into an oncoming officer.

"Hey, sorry. I wasn't really looking where I was…" Jamie stopped as he looked at who he was talking to. He hadn't spoken to her in almost two months, that was the longest they had evert spent apart in the time that they had known each other. Even in their month-long partner switch, they had still hung out after work and eaten together. Seeing her now, after not talking for so long was weird, not having his best friend with him for more than 12 hours a day had taken his toll on him, but after what she had said, he wasn't just going to forgive her just like that.

Eddie stared at him as If she was trying to remember every detail about him, making up lost time in some ways. Their meeting was as cliché as it could get, of all the places that they could've bumped into each other, it was the precinct – the most obvious place on earth that it happened. She wanted to hug him so badly and tell him about all the things that he had missed. She wanted him to tease her about her diet and she wanted him to drive the squad car and they could argue about the best Bond movies. But she couldn't tell him that, so instead she just said, "Hey."

"Well then I'll just see you…" Jamie started.

"Jamie wait, can we please talk?" Eddie said, she wasn't just going to let an opportunity like this pass her by.

"Nothing else needs to be said, you made yourself very clear." Jamie argued, truth was that he didn't want to be hurt by Eddie again. "You said that we shouldn't be partners or friends anymore and that me being 'perfect' apparently was too much for you." He paused to push down the lump that was rapidly forming in his throat. "You even said that you hated me. So, I'm sorry if I don't really feel like talking to you, but you got what you wanted."

Eddie scrunched up her nose, a quirk that appeared when she was confused. If Jamie wasn't so upset he would have laughed at her, but he knew that now was definitely not the time.

"What are you talking about, I never said those things." Eddie said utterly confused.

"So now you're denying it. I never thought you would stoop that low." He said with a shake of his head. "I even have proof of the text you sent me."

"What text?" Eddie asked, when Jamie just ignored her, she demanded more forcefully. "What text?" Seeing that there was a hint of honesty in her eyes, Jamie unlocked his phone showing Eddie the message that he had received.

While reading it Eddie's eyes clouded with tears, she now understood why Jamie had gone to extra lengths to avoid her. What she had read, was horrible, it was filled with contempt and hatred. But, the worst thing about it was that, all the fleeting thoughts that she'd had about Jamie, mostly when she was angry with him, were included in it.

"I never wrote this Jamie, I swear." Eddie choked out, but even she didn't believe herself. Instead she brought out her phone to show him that it wasn't there. "I'll show you myself."

She gave her phone to Jamie, who scrolled down to check it. Eddie was expecting a sigh of relief or even a small smile, but nothing she thought had prepared her for what happened.

Jamie looked up at her, his blue eyes cold with anger. She had seen him disappointed, sad, happy, annoyed and with many other expressions on his face but nothing had expected her for this. His face was devoid of any happiness and his eyes were shrouded in anger, he turned the phone around and dropped it in her hands and she was left to stare at it.

"Don't ever speak to me again." Jamie muttered with contempt, which had Eddie getting chills all over her body.

She wanted to call him and try to explain, but nothing came out. Her voice was gone. Everything had gone completely wrong.

* * *

 _A/N: Sorry for the long wait for this chapter, I've been really busy with my exams for school but I've finished one and the second one is in June, so i should be a little bit more active, but no promises. Thank you so much for the response I've received for this story, its really touched my heart and reading them has helped me get through some tough exam days. Thanks to Shellijayz, Lady_ _Etiquette (I love your stories by the way), Amino07, Dana Hale (I also adore your stories), moon31595, mysticgirl101 (your youtube channel is amazing), Rose, tvfanaficlover, BlueBlood82 (your stories are so layered and complex its great) and lots of other guests who have reviewed. Thank you so much xx. So all there is to say is, thanks for reading and please review._

 _P.S Anyone want to guess what Mack did?_


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

 _As Frank walked into the hospital corridor, everyone felt it. People stiffened up, stopped their conversations and quickly stood up to salute to him, it was almost as if they could sense that he was coming because his presence was one that demanded attentions from all parties. Frank, however, was seemingly oblivious to all of this and he walked straight past to the direction of his daughter. Erin, who had left when he went on his unsuccessful trip to Jamie's apartment, was slowly pacing with her phone pressed against her ear; she changed direction to face Frank and they made eye contact, with a knowing look she ended her call and walked towards him._

" _Hey," Erin mumbled distractedly, while looking behind Frank._

" _He's not here." Franks said bluntly. He wasn't going to try and make excuses for why Jamie hadn't shown up. He was still reeling from his encounter with Jamie and was confused to what the hell had just happened._

 _Erin, on the other hand, was not willing to just let that statement go. "What do you mean he's not here?" Frank opened his mouth to speak but Erin ignored him and continued on._

" _This isn't any random officer we're talking about Dad, this is Eddie. The same Eddie Janko that we all know he has feelings for." Erin rambled, clearly confused about the whole situation. As soon as she had heard the news from her father earlier that night, she had rushed straight to the hospital, fully ready to console her worried brother, but now it seemed as if her assistances were not needed._

" _I asked him if he was coming to the hospital with me and he said no. He said that he had an early tour and didn't want to be late." Frank explained, the words still sounding wrong and unfamiliar._

" _That's bull and you know it as well as I do. He's avoiding her." She concluded, clearly stating the obvious. "Maybe you can ask Danny to convince him to go, or maybe drag him out of the house." She countered, but the last part was mumbled more as an afterthought._

" _No, Danny needs his full concentration on the case right now." He paused for a moment and then continued, "We need to stay here and wait for news on her condition; Jamie said that she didn't really have any family, so right now we're all she's got."_

" _Danny said that Linda was working tonight so, I'll try and find her and see if she knows anything." Erin said whilst standing up. "It's going to be a long night." She whispered to herself and then walked away._

* * *

 _2:38am_

 _Jamie opened his eyes for what felt like the hundredth time that night and checked the time - it had only been two minutes since he had last checked. He sighed and turned over, hoping to pass out as quickly as possible, at this rate he would be falling asleep in the squad car tomorrow. He might just have to let Greene drive tomorrow, although the way Greene drove would probably put him to sleep anyway; Eddie would have jumped at the opportunity to drive the squad car._

 _Eddie._

 _His mind jumped to the person who he had been trying as hard as possible not to think about. Her name rolled about and lingered in his head and thinking about other things was counterproductive because everything led back to Eddie eventually. He replayed the conversation that he had with his father just a few hours ago, he couldn't believe that he'd had the nerve to use an early tour as an excuse not to go the hospital. At the moment, he really wouldn't disagree if anyone had called him a jackass. If Eddie had been there she would have kicked his ass and told him to fix things before it was too late, she would have been right of course. The thought of her made him smile in the dark before he could catch himself._

 _He genuinely did want to go to the hospital to see her and he felt horrible about abandoning her in her time of need, but he had a plan to try and catch the SOB that was doing this to her and unfortunately this was one of the sacrifices that he had to make. He thought of Eddie in the hospital all alone, probably in surgery and the panic began to settle in his chest. Losing her was unthinkable. He needed her and if she… if he did lose her it would be too much for him. He had handled losing his mother by immersing himself into law school, he handled losing Sydney by throwing himself into his work and trying to solve Joe's murder, he handled losing Vinny by training Eddie but if he lost Eddie, he didn't think there would be anything in this world that could help him move on from her. Since Eddie had been in his life, he hadn't been happier, it was as if she took all the sadness in the room and turned it into joy and it wasn't exactly hard for her as she was a buzzing ball of energy that Jamie never got tired of. They were complete opposites. He was calm, rational, a thinker and Eddie… well Eddie was impulsive and exciting, everything was bigger, better and brighter when she was around and he loved her for it._

 _His brain was still as active as ever so he turned around to a more comfortable position and closed his eyes, but opened them ten seconds later._

 _2:40am_

 _This really was going to be one long damn night._

* * *

"Open the door Mack!" Eddie shouted furiously as she pounded on the locked door. If she wasn't careful, one of the neighbours could file a noise complaint against her, but she didn't care. She just wanted answers.

"Officer Janko," Mack answered as he opened the door with a concerned look on his face. He had waited few minutes to answer the door, just so he could see her grow angrier by the second and squirm right in front of him. "What are you doing here?"

"I want to know what the hell you did!" Eddie spat, her fists clenching.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"The hell you don't." Eddie wasn't in the mood to be messed around with tonight, her earlier conversation with Jamie felt like a punch to the gut and she was still reeling from the after effects. "The calls, the flowers, the text messages you did all of this to send a message to me."

"Ok I'll admit the calls were a bit much and I'm sorry about that. I wasn't thinking straight when I did that. But everything else wasn't me."

"I don't believe you."

"Well believe it because if you're looking for the person that did this, you're looking in the wrong place and wasting your time. And mine." And with that he began to close the door, but Eddie's hand stopped him. Now he was getting annoyed. "Look I know calling you lots of times a day was wrong and creepy and a mistake, but that doesn't make me a bad person, it makes me human. I lost my brother and…"

Eddie let out a humourless laugh, "I hate to break it to you Mack but you're not the first person to go through a personal tragedy." She opened her mouth to finish what she was saying but no words came out. A lot of things seemed to have made her speechless these days.

"You okay?" Mack asked quietly.

"No." She paused and bit her lip. "Can I come in and get a glass of water?"

"I don't think that's such a good idea." Mack said hurriedly while he blocked the entrance.

Eddie eyed him suspiciously, his sudden change in character not sitting well with her. "Why not?"

"Just go home Eddie." Mack responded coldly and then shut the door in her face.

Eddie stared blankly at the door in front of her. She couldn't believe what had just happened in front of her, she slid her back down the wall and put her hands on the floor; she needed a moment to breathe. She wanted the world to just slow down and give her time to process, one thing at a time. She ran into her car and leaned her head back on the headrest and closed her eyes. She couldn't believe how she had screwed this up so badly; Eddie then opened her eyes and looked at her clenched fists. Slowly she opened them and stared at the crumpled yellow petal in her hands.

 _Jamie had been right._

* * *

 _A/N: Ok so don't kill me. My school is cruel and I've been busy under a mountain of summer holiday homework, still that is no excuse. I literally have so many drafts of this chapter because I wanted to get the chapter perfect, although tbh I'm still not completely happy with it but I thought it would be better to come with something rather than nothing. Thanks for all the reviews, I hope you guys haven't given up on me. If you haven't please review this chapter, I hope you don't think it's as bad as I think it is ;)_


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